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Individual Comments FIRST PRIZE THE BOY WHO STAYED AT SCHOOL Douglas Bruton I found this to be the most poignant evocation of one of the most appalling disasters in modern history. It’s not an easy subject to tackle, but the writer, by introducing another thread: the schoolmaster’s attraction to his pupil’s mother, has avoided both easy sentimentality and melodrama. This is a beautifully written piece, characterised by restraint and subtlety, most particularly in the handling of the mother’s reaction to the loss of her son. And the feel of life in a small Welsh mining village in the sixties is conveyed by clever use of period detail. Very impressive. SECOND PRIZE Brenda Ryan BITTER SWEET A young girl’s awakening to passion – and duplicity – is well described and economically told. The title is particularly apt, given the tenor of the story, and the writer has captured one of the most characteristic and paradoxical attributes of old age: the vividness and precision of certain memories; the old lady can’t put a name to her nearest and dearest but remembers an incident from her youth with perfect clarity. A nice touch too: the child confusing “julep” with “tulip”. THIRD PRIZE Rosemarie Rose ME AND SOPHIA LOREN Despite its ungrammatical title (a personal bete noir), I enjoyed this story very much. It evokes so well a young girl’s extreme naivete – “We’re in love and getting married as soon as he’s divorced and I’ve done my GCEs.” – and eventual getting of wisdom through having to learn the hard way that seducers can be unscrupulous, and actions invariably have consequences. Again, as with so many of these stories, it is the accurate and evocative period detail which provides an appropriate setting for the mores of the time. HIGHLY COMMENDED Dorothy Schwarz I’M NOT TIRED The effectiveness of the above derives from the matter-of-fact way in which the main character relates her history. This serves to point up the poignancy of her sad and short life without either sentimentality or any need for comment by the other two protagonists. That said, I would perhaps be inclined to consider this entry as a fine piece of reportage rather than a short story. HIGHLY COMMENDED Cherry Lawton THE ANTI-AGEING DIET PLAN A very clever idea and fluently written. Like the heroine, one can almost taste the food which is described so enticingly. It was also refreshing to come upon such a witty entry; the conclusion was a delight without being hackneyed – or, should I say, “acne-d”? This story strikes me as having the most commercial potential of all the entries. COMMENDED Iain Pattison ONCE UPON A CRIME A very witty and literate take on the original folk tale, and the use of modern idiom adds to the delightfully cynical tone. Perhaps a few too many adjectives? COMMENDED Jonathon Pinnock THE LAST WORDS OF EMANUEL PRETTYJOHN I enjoyed this enormously. The theme is topical and the use of different characters, and their distinctive voices, to tell the tale works very well. And it was a nice conceit to have our hero’s first and last words being one and the same. If I have any criticism it is because I would have liked it to have been made clear as to why EP was mute, and who poisoned him. COMMENDED Rosemarie Rose THE DANDELION LAWN This story gains an instant intimacy by the use of the second person singular and the present tense – we are immediately drawn into the heroine’s predicament and can sympathise. The use of detail, eg Ruth’s recall of the hens’ pecking her bare legs, the smell of the chicken shit, is most effective. And the theme, again, as with several of the entries, is highly topical. COMMENDED Louise Hume VIVID This unusual story is skilfully constructed; there is a gradual unfolding of the situation and thereby understanding of the characters’ history. A clever use of dialogue combined with good descriptive powers carry us along to the unexpected but satisfying conclusion. |